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Characters

The Mainest of Characters

Ryan's picture Ryan

Age: 20
Occupation: Freelance illustrator
Interests: Video games, drawing, sleeping, eating
Fears: Drive-thrus, mummies, intimacy
Quote: "Do I have to?"
Ryan's life is a simple one. He doesn't do alot, but it doesn't take a lot to satisfy him. Probably the most laid-back guy you'll ever meet. At first, he might come off as a pretty nice guy, but underneath that facade is an avaricious, selfish monster. And under that facade is a pretty nice guy. Ryan's luck is prone to change in an instant, and sadly for him, it's usually for the worse.

Edwin's picture Edwin

Age: 20
Occupation: International man of mystery
Interests: Laptops, movies, salsa
Fears: Sock puppets
Quote: "If I can't do it, it can't be done."
Edwin enjoys long walks on the beach after a day of surfing americana. He flaunts with danger at every turn and is not afriad to shoot first and ask questions later. He also has something of a passion for computers - particularly laptops - and is known to go a little overboard on occasion. This passion has gotten him into almost as many jams as it has gotten him out of.

Ashley's picture Ashlee

Age: 19
Occupation: Music store clerk
Interests: Video games, dancing, shopping, cute things
Fears: Spiders, cyborgs, failing
Quote: "Dammit Ryan, just pause the game!"
The oft-ignored girlfriend of Ryan, many wonder why she's stuck with him so long. Deus ex machina? Most likely. She does her best to excel at everything she does, and as far as anyone knows, has never given up on anything even once. While she is a gamer and sometimes thinks herself a tomboy, you'd probably find Ashlee's picture next to the definition of "girly" in the dictionary.

Madison's picture Madison

Age: 20
Occupation: CompuTARs clerk
Interests: Computers, music, abnormally coloured hair
Fears: Heights, power outages, cats
Quote: "Watch your backs, noobs."
At a first glance, you'd probably get the impression that Madison is one of those anit-establishment, holier-than-thy-music punks, but in reality she's just a regular computer geek. It's just a look thing. Mostly to keep idiots from talking to her. She is the self-proclaimed queen of fragging, and can back up her claim in any FPS you might present her with.

The B-List Stars

Mr. Soap and Mr. Cloth's picture Mr. Soap and Mr. Cloth

Age: 73
Occupation: Educational cartoons
Interests: Personal hygiene, amusing children
Fears: Edwin
Quote: "It's WASHY FUN TIME!!"
Mr. Soap and Mr. Cloth are old-timey cartoons that help to promote good personal hygiene to children. At least, that's what they want you to think. The pair are actually horribly failed experiments to create perpetually clean humans. While they clearly stand out from the ordinary, nobody really thinks twice about it, so they've been able to live relatively normal lives. Until Edwin came into the picture...

Nightmare Machine's picture Nightmare Machine

Age: 2
Occupation: Striking fear into the hearts of mortals
Interests: Striking fear into the hearts of mortals, plowing snow
Fears: Sugar, thunder, EMPs
Quote: "Raaaaaar!"
A modern machine built only to - you guessed it - strike fear into the hearts of mortals. The enigmatic beast is rarely seen, but those who have had chance encounters with it usually end up having to change their underpants. And that's the best case scenario. Many have tried to replicate the monster, but none have been able to bring their inferior copies to life. Its creator is currently unknown.

The Penguins' picture The Penguins

Age: Unknown
Occupation: International jewel thieves
Interests: Jewels, thieving, fish, slides
Fears: Polar bears, walruses, Ecquadorians
Quote: "Quack quack. Quack, quack quack quack."
Not to be confused with the penguins for the popular 2005 movie "Madagascar," these penguins are notorious jewel thieves. They've travelled the world, taking the most valuable riches they can find and then selling them for beans (figuratively) at local pawn shops. See, penguins don't really have a good concept of money.

Zombies' picture Zombies

Age: Varies
Occupation: Zombies
Interests: Brains, flesh of the living, disco
Fears: S.T.A.R.S.
Quote: "Urrrrr... Braaainssssss...."
They're zombies. The walking dead. Nobody's quite sure how they got that way, but the popular theory is some funky voodoo magic. They roam the city streets in large packs in search of brains. Be cautious though, they often resemble gangs of regular hoodlums, and by the time you notice that their flesh is falling off, it'll probably be too late. A word for the wise: remove the head or destroy the brain.

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